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Shake the Disease

Here is a plea
From my heart to you
Nobody knows me
As well as you do
You know how hard it is for me
To shake the disease
That takes hold of my tongue
In situations like these
Understand me...understand me...

"Shake the Disease"
Writer: Martin Gore. Copyright: EMI Music Publishing Ltd.

Oh, Martin Gore, you are so wise. Little did I know that his lyrics, which pulled at my heart strings as a tween, would be so relevant 30 years later. This is a love song for the ages. You don't need to have a lover to relate to this song, in fact, it resonates more if you haven't yet found your true love. And not only does it describe one person's angst at wanting to be loved and understood, but how strongly our drive is to express ourselves with the right words at the right time.

The song has special meaning for me, as it is quite literally a disease that has shaken my ability to express myself.

If you've read any of my previous posts you already know that cancer treatment …

And the survey says...

Blessings Report:
See above. Hallelujah!

Does this mean I am cured, in remission or any of the other terms used to describe someone in my situation? Short answer, no, but it means there is currently no evidence of metastatic disease, which is a very very good thing indeed. Scanxiety, you may take a back seat now, buh bye!

Ellen

Happy New Fear!

Ah, January 2nd!  This is normally the time of year when relaxation is at the top of my agenda.  The buzz and bustle of holiday commitments has subsided, leaving in their wake plenty of time for rejuvenation, reflection and rest.  A New Year promises hope, love and joy, but this year, for me, it rings in another emotion loud and clear, fear.  I’ve wanted to tackle this aspect of post-cancer life in the past, but never knew quite how or when to approach it.  I’ve been open about my experience with breast cancer from the get-go; in fact, that was my objective, to narrate my story in a raw and unedited format.  But I admittedly held back sharing this aspect until now, perhaps out of humility, or more likely, out of fear.  I feared fear.  But when my oncologist ordered a follow-up CT scan for December 31st, I took it as a sign that it was time to delve in to this unpopular yet prevalent phenomenon that we cancer patients refer to as the dreaded, scanxiety.

Before I tell you about the scan,…